Well hello hello. Dont really know who im saying hello to. I only know of one other person who reads this besides me, whats up vinnie san. So anyways...apparently my last blog was april 23rd...damn...
So im gonna have a happy update!
Whats been goin on with my life:
Getting a tattoo this sat. Gettin tat tat tatted up.
Sleep is so much better since i got my bed.
Finally back to my fave pjs..." Tshirt and no panties on!" well actually haha...that was a joke. But my big new york tshirt and there are undies.
Getting a car...gonna zoom zoom zoom
Seein my friends from my obirin days
Wrapped the cute lil 1st graders around my fingers...got them giving me back rubs and massages.Great times.
Bought ten books and now reading the 7th book.
Am completely convinced that House is on my sexy for life list.
Noobies, Noobies and more Noobies
Forcing myself to go out more, even when i just wanna be lazy and stay home/sleep
Been doin some secret stuff....
Been cookin everyday.
WENT ON A DATE!
what a great date it was
appreciatin my remote control fan. I love u!
was gonna buy a iphone, but sad when i didnt see it at the softbank store.
ASL - area support leader
FOA - Fukushima orientation assistant
FuJET ms. pres - yeah biatch
its really sexy when ur dancin with a lollipop in ur mouth...will love that song for a long time
Birthday...23
my hot teacher up and got married...so im flirting extra hard...is that bad or am i just being bitter? maybe both...
decoratin my house
went home for a week. What a great time.
sad i missed thursty thrusday tho.
lovin my pasmo card. I love u!
did i say i went on a date?
snooped on my neighbor this afternoon...oh oh oh drama drama drama
here i am - rick ross...song i play at least 6 times a day. since last week
im over pluckin my eyebrows...need to stop
uuummmm.....there has to be more....made another trip to the hospital
oh yeah...realized why i never go out with youngins. can never get into the clubs!
nobby has the best style ive seen for a japanese man. love u!
i think for right now. im gonna stop.
So thats whats been goin on. Nothing really anything major. But the tat is big. Im excited and just cant believe im gonna do the whole pain thing. But this time for two hours! wtf....
so yes...
im getting tired. Gonna watch house or some katt williams. Most likely some katt.
throw the flag and blow ur whistle...haha so funny.
well ta ta!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Today after finding out one of my teachers at my visiting school is 6 month pregnant, she let me touch her stomach. Feeling the baby kicking, feeling it move was something so wonderful and amazing. Like opening a present, i was full with such excitement and joy, i just started to speak english to the baby. haha.
And then i looked even harder at my teacher, like really saw her. Not only as a teacher but as a mother. For some reason I had more respect for her. 6th months pregnant and still chasing down the 3rd graders down the hall. I know when i think about having a baby of my own, i think no, apprehensive and just straight scared. It's a big resposibility, me time is thrown out the window and wont return till well who knows.
But I just stared at my teacher and thought how strong she is, how unselfish she is, and maybe even more pretty. I've never seen unhappy pregnant person and she was glowing today.
This is a random post but i was surprised how i saw her in a different light today. I know she already has two children but just seeing her pregnant just got me thinking too much about babies.
ok itus,
bye
And then i looked even harder at my teacher, like really saw her. Not only as a teacher but as a mother. For some reason I had more respect for her. 6th months pregnant and still chasing down the 3rd graders down the hall. I know when i think about having a baby of my own, i think no, apprehensive and just straight scared. It's a big resposibility, me time is thrown out the window and wont return till well who knows.
But I just stared at my teacher and thought how strong she is, how unselfish she is, and maybe even more pretty. I've never seen unhappy pregnant person and she was glowing today.
This is a random post but i was surprised how i saw her in a different light today. I know she already has two children but just seeing her pregnant just got me thinking too much about babies.
ok itus,
bye
Friday, April 18, 2008
My younger brother is not so "young" anymore. Of course i knew, can tell that he's growing up each year. But still I thought him young cause his mind was still young mentally. Had that kid mentality still rapped around his finger, his body so tightly. My mom, always discouraged him still acting and behaving like a child, but her actions suggested otherwise. Like moms do sometimes.
Anyways, while i was waiting for my mom to call me on skype. Her 5 mintues ended up being about an hour long. I had an interesting convo with my brother and i might as well call him my other brother, cause Casey (bro's friend) practically lives at my house. He was asking me about Japan and places in Tokyo. Then he asks me where the hentai stores are. Nothing surprising cause I had about an hour long porno/hentai conversation with him. We have a very open relationship.
But sometime it can get tooo open. Like when after he asks me about the hentai places, he proceeds to asks me about the Japanese girls and how he likes their breasts and yada yada yada. Don't really wanna get my mind back to it, but i realized, had a big realization that my brother, well, my brother's male instints are coming in or were already in but i was too naive to see. I knew my brother watched porn, caught him a few times. Knew he's had sex before. No biggie. But never had he ever talked to me about liking girls, what parts he like, what he likes to do to those parts, ect or anything besides games.
He's 20. Of course he will think this way. Im glad he does. It's healthy. But just hearing it for the first time is....well just dont know what to say....
My little brother who drools when he sleeps likes boobies! And japanese girls with small feet....we all have our standards I guess.
Then he called me a bitch when i told him i was gonna buy a Wii.
I bet he thinks he can say it since im here and he's there.
He forgets ill see him less than a month.
Ima kick his ass when i see him.
Anyways, while i was waiting for my mom to call me on skype. Her 5 mintues ended up being about an hour long. I had an interesting convo with my brother and i might as well call him my other brother, cause Casey (bro's friend) practically lives at my house. He was asking me about Japan and places in Tokyo. Then he asks me where the hentai stores are. Nothing surprising cause I had about an hour long porno/hentai conversation with him. We have a very open relationship.
But sometime it can get tooo open. Like when after he asks me about the hentai places, he proceeds to asks me about the Japanese girls and how he likes their breasts and yada yada yada. Don't really wanna get my mind back to it, but i realized, had a big realization that my brother, well, my brother's male instints are coming in or were already in but i was too naive to see. I knew my brother watched porn, caught him a few times. Knew he's had sex before. No biggie. But never had he ever talked to me about liking girls, what parts he like, what he likes to do to those parts, ect or anything besides games.
He's 20. Of course he will think this way. Im glad he does. It's healthy. But just hearing it for the first time is....well just dont know what to say....
My little brother who drools when he sleeps likes boobies! And japanese girls with small feet....we all have our standards I guess.
Then he called me a bitch when i told him i was gonna buy a Wii.
I bet he thinks he can say it since im here and he's there.
He forgets ill see him less than a month.
Ima kick his ass when i see him.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Im at a stage of my life where i feel like i need a complete overhaul. Spring cleaning if you will. Theres something im not happy with in my life. First i need to figure out what it is. Clean the crap out of it.
Also those hermit feelings of just staying inside, not doing anything, not going anywhere, even not talking to anyone doesnt sounds so bad lately. Right now human contact is not sounding so appealin to me, especially after the weekend i just had. Doesn't make sense tho, because everyone is rejoicing the warmth of the sun and flowers blooming. People are starting to come out of their houses and enjoying themselves.
I think im being backwards. Seemed to be more willing to go out during winter than i am now.
So far i know one thing i need to change: the friends i've made. Clear out my so-called friends and welcome new people in my life. I argued so much this past weekend that it just gets me angry again when i try to talk to him. I never met someone so opinionated, abrasive, provoking, and always at my expense. "I like to start things with you cause you actually talk back to me" he says. What he doesnt understand is that its not in my nature to be consistantly fighting. I don't like to argue, i dont want to argue.
I only laughed once the whole weekend? Once? Nas who laughs and smiles all the time, only once.
How can someone effect you so that you dont want to interact with other people?
I can't take negativity, people who always complain, provoking, mess with my weakness. I can stand people who are opionated and stubborn, but we all have to live around each other, have to communicate with each other one day. Why doesn't he try for a happy medium?
Immaturity is not attractive.
I need something to bloom like the flowers and flow by my way.
I need to bloom also. Try to get out of this funk im in.
But right now i dont feel like smiling.
Don't feel like being excited.
I know loneliness might have something to do with it. I got two emails from two of my ex's a day from each other. It's easy to think about the past and relish on how things used to be. A year back, i wasn't like this. Was happy everyday and smiling. Having someone i loved was a big part of it, but i was also happy with where i was in my life. It was a a great year.
This is a very depressin post. But i needed to get it out. Promise it will get better
Also those hermit feelings of just staying inside, not doing anything, not going anywhere, even not talking to anyone doesnt sounds so bad lately. Right now human contact is not sounding so appealin to me, especially after the weekend i just had. Doesn't make sense tho, because everyone is rejoicing the warmth of the sun and flowers blooming. People are starting to come out of their houses and enjoying themselves.
I think im being backwards. Seemed to be more willing to go out during winter than i am now.
So far i know one thing i need to change: the friends i've made. Clear out my so-called friends and welcome new people in my life. I argued so much this past weekend that it just gets me angry again when i try to talk to him. I never met someone so opinionated, abrasive, provoking, and always at my expense. "I like to start things with you cause you actually talk back to me" he says. What he doesnt understand is that its not in my nature to be consistantly fighting. I don't like to argue, i dont want to argue.
I only laughed once the whole weekend? Once? Nas who laughs and smiles all the time, only once.
How can someone effect you so that you dont want to interact with other people?
I can't take negativity, people who always complain, provoking, mess with my weakness. I can stand people who are opionated and stubborn, but we all have to live around each other, have to communicate with each other one day. Why doesn't he try for a happy medium?
Immaturity is not attractive.
I need something to bloom like the flowers and flow by my way.
I need to bloom also. Try to get out of this funk im in.
But right now i dont feel like smiling.
Don't feel like being excited.
I know loneliness might have something to do with it. I got two emails from two of my ex's a day from each other. It's easy to think about the past and relish on how things used to be. A year back, i wasn't like this. Was happy everyday and smiling. Having someone i loved was a big part of it, but i was also happy with where i was in my life. It was a a great year.
This is a very depressin post. But i needed to get it out. Promise it will get better
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
sappy nas
Im so emotional! Can't stand it. Can't stand it.
Had a heated conversation about religion yesterday with my friend.
He made me cry.
What the... And as i was telling him that i was about to cry, i was thinking why am I crying over this? How can these words affect me more than someone calling me crude names. I consider myself a strong person, but for reason this hit my core and i couldn't hold it in.
Made me feel like i wasn't a good person.
I know im a good person, but does god know im a good person? Stupid friend made me doubt myself.
I was angry and started to cry. I hate it.
Anyways, another part of Nastassja, very emotional.
Besides from that, im getting annoyed at school. I have nothing to do except read Harry Potter and study japanese which i can't do for 8 hours straight.
One thing i can look foward to. Only two more days and ill be lickin hot chips crumbs off my thumb and index finger. Ummm get chills thinking about it. Gonna be a hot chips, hanami filled weekend.
Life is great
Had a heated conversation about religion yesterday with my friend.
He made me cry.
What the... And as i was telling him that i was about to cry, i was thinking why am I crying over this? How can these words affect me more than someone calling me crude names. I consider myself a strong person, but for reason this hit my core and i couldn't hold it in.
Made me feel like i wasn't a good person.
I know im a good person, but does god know im a good person? Stupid friend made me doubt myself.
I was angry and started to cry. I hate it.
Anyways, another part of Nastassja, very emotional.
Besides from that, im getting annoyed at school. I have nothing to do except read Harry Potter and study japanese which i can't do for 8 hours straight.
One thing i can look foward to. Only two more days and ill be lickin hot chips crumbs off my thumb and index finger. Ummm get chills thinking about it. Gonna be a hot chips, hanami filled weekend.
Life is great
Sunday, March 16, 2008
that 11 oclock, should be goin to sleep post
My last week with the 6th graders. Some im glad to see leave, some not so much. But we all have to leave sometimes right. One day it will be my time.
Talkin to my friends about age differences in relationships. Is it a big factor is starting a relationship?
Me for example, i wont date anyone younger than me. In other words, I only date mean older men. My first boyfriend being 23 (it wasn't 25) when I was 18. Thats a 5 year difference. And i know, no more now than i did know then, that a 5 year difference in age, when you are so young yourself, is a big factor. I usually dont like to agree with any man who i have arguments with. Like my mom im very stubborn, especially when im in an argument. Want and will always have the last word. But anyways, i can actually and truthfully say that I agree with him. My eyes were clouded by those books I read, the movies I watched, those teenish fantasies of the perfect boyfriend. I wanted to mold him into that perfect man.
My first boyfriend, my first love, first other things. We were even engaged for a sec.
I deeply loved him. And in the love bubble i wrapped over us, i wasn't expecting his views to start breaking it down. In the beginning I thought it was all him. His abrasive personality, his very opinionate mind. But it took some time, maybe even some years till i realized that it was my immaturity that also cause that bubble to break. I didn't understand how he could act too nonchalant in certain occasions, how he could not care.
In the end i realized that not only did he break that love bubble, he tried to break that bubble i wrapped securely around myself that protects my youthful views of world. I didn't understand him. Our lives were different. Grew up with different experiences. And instead of trying to understand, i just questioned his opinion. It wasn't how I thought the way people should act. And more, love does cloud judgement.
But i understand why he called me immature. I argued that I wasn't. 18 your a legal adult. But really we are still children mentally.
If i could i would go back in time and i would slap myself. Tell myself to open, really open my eyes wide, broaden my box, broaden my scope on how people in this world act. We are selfish beings. Things are going to happen that you dont want to happen. No use of whining about it. You have two options: Do something to insure that it doesnt happen again or walk way. Yeah some slapage would be in order.
But don't ge wrong, my first boyfriend was still a dick and an asshole and jerk.
that took me 49 mins to type wow.
Talkin to my friends about age differences in relationships. Is it a big factor is starting a relationship?
Me for example, i wont date anyone younger than me. In other words, I only date mean older men. My first boyfriend being 23 (it wasn't 25) when I was 18. Thats a 5 year difference. And i know, no more now than i did know then, that a 5 year difference in age, when you are so young yourself, is a big factor. I usually dont like to agree with any man who i have arguments with. Like my mom im very stubborn, especially when im in an argument. Want and will always have the last word. But anyways, i can actually and truthfully say that I agree with him. My eyes were clouded by those books I read, the movies I watched, those teenish fantasies of the perfect boyfriend. I wanted to mold him into that perfect man.
My first boyfriend, my first love, first other things. We were even engaged for a sec.
I deeply loved him. And in the love bubble i wrapped over us, i wasn't expecting his views to start breaking it down. In the beginning I thought it was all him. His abrasive personality, his very opinionate mind. But it took some time, maybe even some years till i realized that it was my immaturity that also cause that bubble to break. I didn't understand how he could act too nonchalant in certain occasions, how he could not care.
In the end i realized that not only did he break that love bubble, he tried to break that bubble i wrapped securely around myself that protects my youthful views of world. I didn't understand him. Our lives were different. Grew up with different experiences. And instead of trying to understand, i just questioned his opinion. It wasn't how I thought the way people should act. And more, love does cloud judgement.
But i understand why he called me immature. I argued that I wasn't. 18 your a legal adult. But really we are still children mentally.
If i could i would go back in time and i would slap myself. Tell myself to open, really open my eyes wide, broaden my box, broaden my scope on how people in this world act. We are selfish beings. Things are going to happen that you dont want to happen. No use of whining about it. You have two options: Do something to insure that it doesnt happen again or walk way. Yeah some slapage would be in order.
But don't ge wrong, my first boyfriend was still a dick and an asshole and jerk.
that took me 49 mins to type wow.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
My daring escape!
People be careful of Nastassja Camille Vidrio!
She might look like she's planning to take your advice, she smiles, she agrees. But in her mind she's plottin her next move.
Well..... yes be careful of me cause i dont think most people know the things that roam around in my head. But this weekend, i was bold, daring and went against my doctor's, co-workers, boss's advice to stay home and rest. Yeah it's been a week since i had surgery, but that didn't stop me. Hey i'm young, life is short. Can't just spend my time recovering all alone. And before i even say what i did, i want to make a point first that i did listen to their advice, for two days. I did it. Just not as long as they wanted me too.
I emailed my friend, packed and walked down the hill with that Mission Impossible song in my head. "Will Nastassja get caught by one of her teachers as she tries to leave Iwaki?" And by my luck, i could've picked the worse time to leave my safe haven. My bus came at 4:26. 4:05 work is over and it's a friday. And of course, the bus was late.
Luckily, made it out of iwaki with no incidents. But soon regretted it when the bus started to rattle and the pain came. Well my doctor did warn me about moving my body a lot.....
Made it to Koriyama. Wanted to go straight to my friends house, just crash in front of the tv and eat a salad. Of course that was delayed since she wanted me to buy her a dr. pepper and french cheese at the international food store. But that cheese was great. Shober cheese. Great stuff that is.
I escaped and i do feel a lot more informed about what's happenin in the world now. I basically sat in front of the tv and watched CNN, MTV and random shows like Bones, CSI, Dirty Jobs, Anthony Bourdain, Mulan 2 and Detective Conan. Oh i love tv.
And Obama rocks.
So it was a great chillaxin weekend. I know lucy is glad i left cause i was actin like the world's most laziest friend who comes over, eats all the food, doesn't clean (I cooked dinner tho) and never gets up from the couch. I was also abusing the "I just had surgery" line too many times. It's great to be a couch potato sometimes. And its soo easy to do it at her house.
Oh also my child is gonna have a mo-hawk when he's a baby and be able to speak another language by the time he is 5. But lucy said that mo-hawk is not possible with my hair. Well lucy i will prove it to you!
I go back to work tomorrow. Im a little bit worried. This school has only 5 kids but i know ill get tired and just end up sitting down the rest of the day. I can't run, can't push or carry heavy things. Well i guess i can be lazy and abuse "I just had surgery"
She might look like she's planning to take your advice, she smiles, she agrees. But in her mind she's plottin her next move.
Well..... yes be careful of me cause i dont think most people know the things that roam around in my head. But this weekend, i was bold, daring and went against my doctor's, co-workers, boss's advice to stay home and rest. Yeah it's been a week since i had surgery, but that didn't stop me. Hey i'm young, life is short. Can't just spend my time recovering all alone. And before i even say what i did, i want to make a point first that i did listen to their advice, for two days. I did it. Just not as long as they wanted me too.
I emailed my friend, packed and walked down the hill with that Mission Impossible song in my head. "Will Nastassja get caught by one of her teachers as she tries to leave Iwaki?" And by my luck, i could've picked the worse time to leave my safe haven. My bus came at 4:26. 4:05 work is over and it's a friday. And of course, the bus was late.
Luckily, made it out of iwaki with no incidents. But soon regretted it when the bus started to rattle and the pain came. Well my doctor did warn me about moving my body a lot.....
Made it to Koriyama. Wanted to go straight to my friends house, just crash in front of the tv and eat a salad. Of course that was delayed since she wanted me to buy her a dr. pepper and french cheese at the international food store. But that cheese was great. Shober cheese. Great stuff that is.
I escaped and i do feel a lot more informed about what's happenin in the world now. I basically sat in front of the tv and watched CNN, MTV and random shows like Bones, CSI, Dirty Jobs, Anthony Bourdain, Mulan 2 and Detective Conan. Oh i love tv.
And Obama rocks.
So it was a great chillaxin weekend. I know lucy is glad i left cause i was actin like the world's most laziest friend who comes over, eats all the food, doesn't clean (I cooked dinner tho) and never gets up from the couch. I was also abusing the "I just had surgery" line too many times. It's great to be a couch potato sometimes. And its soo easy to do it at her house.
Oh also my child is gonna have a mo-hawk when he's a baby and be able to speak another language by the time he is 5. But lucy said that mo-hawk is not possible with my hair. Well lucy i will prove it to you!
I go back to work tomorrow. Im a little bit worried. This school has only 5 kids but i know ill get tired and just end up sitting down the rest of the day. I can't run, can't push or carry heavy things. Well i guess i can be lazy and abuse "I just had surgery"
Thursday, March 6, 2008
no pain no gain
For the past seven days ive been, well the first two days, chilaxin in the bed watching movies and the for the next 5, gradually moving around and trying not to laugh and cough. Coughin is the worst. Oh didnt say where i was. Back to the same hospital. Nurses laughed when i walked off the elevator and passed the nurses station. Ohh shes back. All that oily food shes eaten again.
Nope this time was just for surgery. Thats seems very nonchalant and that was my attitude arriving there. With my luggage resting on my shoulder and forearm walking like i would at the airport. Going on a little trip. Get cut up, rest in the hospital and go home. I just thought about the beginning and the end of my time at the hospital. Surgery and no more gall stones. Besides being scared half to death from the anesthesia, the point where i felt that recovery is a major part of surgery, wasnt till i woke up the next morning with tubes in my body and the pain of somone repeatedly kicking my insides. Not a good moment.
Well good things that did come out of this surgery experience:
1. No more gallstones, no more pain.
2. Able to see my gall stones. Even took them home (maybe thats more of an interesting thing)
3. Spent a wonderful week with 5 great japanese ladies
4. Made the 4th floor east wing more international
5. felt loved from my friends and co-workers
6. My love grew for my friends and some co-workers :)
7. Learned how to say "cuddle" and "crush" in Japanese. Very useful words.
8. Broadened my iwaki-ben vocabulary
9. Lost 4 pounds, not like i see it.
Theres so many people i want to say thank you to. All that laughing really made my spirits lift high and moved those stomach muscles. Even if it hurt and i had to get re-stitched. It was all worth it. Watching the people who came to visit me at the hospital, laughing around me and bringing me get well gifts. Can I be so lucky to have people who care for me so much. Im so happy. But as i sit alone right now, i can honestly say that i miss that environment. But dont want to be in that environment again.
One thing i will not miss....the food. But its not like i can jump straight for babas either. Im gonna be on the recovery trail for about a month I believe. How does your stomach cope when a part of it goes missing? "Hey, where did gall bladder go? wasn't he there earlier". Anyways, so gotta be good on my diet and move around.
However, my belly button looks kind've weird. Four smalls cuts, but my belly button looks ifie. Recovery stage right? Hope its not like that for long.
Well for now, no pain no gain.....and try not to eat chocolate (the hardest task)
Nope this time was just for surgery. Thats seems very nonchalant and that was my attitude arriving there. With my luggage resting on my shoulder and forearm walking like i would at the airport. Going on a little trip. Get cut up, rest in the hospital and go home. I just thought about the beginning and the end of my time at the hospital. Surgery and no more gall stones. Besides being scared half to death from the anesthesia, the point where i felt that recovery is a major part of surgery, wasnt till i woke up the next morning with tubes in my body and the pain of somone repeatedly kicking my insides. Not a good moment.
Well good things that did come out of this surgery experience:
1. No more gallstones, no more pain.
2. Able to see my gall stones. Even took them home (maybe thats more of an interesting thing)
3. Spent a wonderful week with 5 great japanese ladies
4. Made the 4th floor east wing more international
5. felt loved from my friends and co-workers
6. My love grew for my friends and some co-workers :)
7. Learned how to say "cuddle" and "crush" in Japanese. Very useful words.
8. Broadened my iwaki-ben vocabulary
9. Lost 4 pounds, not like i see it.
Theres so many people i want to say thank you to. All that laughing really made my spirits lift high and moved those stomach muscles. Even if it hurt and i had to get re-stitched. It was all worth it. Watching the people who came to visit me at the hospital, laughing around me and bringing me get well gifts. Can I be so lucky to have people who care for me so much. Im so happy. But as i sit alone right now, i can honestly say that i miss that environment. But dont want to be in that environment again.
One thing i will not miss....the food. But its not like i can jump straight for babas either. Im gonna be on the recovery trail for about a month I believe. How does your stomach cope when a part of it goes missing? "Hey, where did gall bladder go? wasn't he there earlier". Anyways, so gotta be good on my diet and move around.
However, my belly button looks kind've weird. Four smalls cuts, but my belly button looks ifie. Recovery stage right? Hope its not like that for long.
Well for now, no pain no gain.....and try not to eat chocolate (the hardest task)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
im back from my long break ie. i was lazy to blog
Hey folks!
So crazy stuff happenin. Not really gonna give a re-cap on all the things i have done, complained and moaned about since the last time i wrote cause dont really want to do it.
But what i would like to talk about is how good it felt to dance with marc when i was in Sapporo for the yuki matsuri. Oh now dont get all ooooohhhhh-y on me and thinking that the reason im happy was because I danced with him. Nope not the reason.
My reason of being happy was because i let everything go. All inhibitions, all my doubts, self-conscious? i used my white air forces and kicked it out the window. Wow it felt soo good. I was leanin with it and rockin wit it. Didn't even care that no one else besides marc knew the song or the dance we were doin.
Good good feelin.
Then we proceeded to do random runway walks. I laughed. I twirled. Laughed some more. Maybe the alk in my system was a big factor to my attitude that night, but well....a good job done mr. rum and coke and good job well done. Now all i have to do is to take that feeling mr. rum and coke so wonderfully graced me that night, but not actually using mr. rum and coke. Now how do i do that?
Why does alk make me say everything i want to and do what i want to without havin a care in the world? It feels good, really fullfilling and revealing. Like i can take a deep breath and just feel weight being lifted of my shoulders.
Now im not preachin, yeah for alk. And im not gonna turn into a little alky either. I just like the chemicals it sends to my brain.
Just actin dumb with your friends. Something so good. I never had so much fun singing nelly and kelly rowland. Why for the life of me im not able to remember the name of the song. But it was fun. fun fun fun fun fun.
How many times did i write fun in this post?
Im sleepy now. potato house is pullin me into itusland. Must go....
bye!
too tired to check for mistakes. most likely there will be some.
So crazy stuff happenin. Not really gonna give a re-cap on all the things i have done, complained and moaned about since the last time i wrote cause dont really want to do it.
But what i would like to talk about is how good it felt to dance with marc when i was in Sapporo for the yuki matsuri. Oh now dont get all ooooohhhhh-y on me and thinking that the reason im happy was because I danced with him. Nope not the reason.
My reason of being happy was because i let everything go. All inhibitions, all my doubts, self-conscious? i used my white air forces and kicked it out the window. Wow it felt soo good. I was leanin with it and rockin wit it. Didn't even care that no one else besides marc knew the song or the dance we were doin.
Good good feelin.
Then we proceeded to do random runway walks. I laughed. I twirled. Laughed some more. Maybe the alk in my system was a big factor to my attitude that night, but well....a good job done mr. rum and coke and good job well done. Now all i have to do is to take that feeling mr. rum and coke so wonderfully graced me that night, but not actually using mr. rum and coke. Now how do i do that?
Why does alk make me say everything i want to and do what i want to without havin a care in the world? It feels good, really fullfilling and revealing. Like i can take a deep breath and just feel weight being lifted of my shoulders.
Now im not preachin, yeah for alk. And im not gonna turn into a little alky either. I just like the chemicals it sends to my brain.
Just actin dumb with your friends. Something so good. I never had so much fun singing nelly and kelly rowland. Why for the life of me im not able to remember the name of the song. But it was fun. fun fun fun fun fun.
How many times did i write fun in this post?
Im sleepy now. potato house is pullin me into itusland. Must go....
bye!
too tired to check for mistakes. most likely there will be some.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Leave it up to the signs??
I read a astrology book. My friend tamla got me wondering and thinking about zodiac signs, so i read about myself, the oh so social butterfly gemini.
So here are what i thought were really interesting: Got these from a website:
Affectionate, courteous, kind, generous, and thoughtful towards the poor and suffering - check
Use any weapon in their armory, unscrupulous lying, and cunning evasiveness - wow
Their mental agility and energy give them a voracious appetite for knowledge from youth onward, though they dislike the labor of learning - a little lazy i know
They will pick the brains of others - yes always askin questions
They are often skilled manipulators of language, in speech and writing - interesting
Become deeply involved emotionally - oh yeah i know that too well
But the one i was reading was so mean to geminis. I didnt like it so much. But the one i was readin at Tamlas place new me so well. I think the one i was suprised was the section about love.
It said that the gemini will act distant and cool to the person they like in order to protect there feelings. They are not mind readers but expect the person they like/love to understand/feel the situation or the atmosphere. They want to find true love more than anything else. Someone who provides shelter and protects. But they dont like to be held down, freedom is something very important in love. Thats me, crazy.
Very interesting things. I wonder can we really apply our lives to zodiac signs. Im not gonna be like oh your a sagittarius, i cant be with you, but its interesting how they play out in my life.
Very interesting indeed.
Oh btw, tamla made really good chili so im gonna me some sometime this week. haha.
bye bye
So here are what i thought were really interesting: Got these from a website:
Affectionate, courteous, kind, generous, and thoughtful towards the poor and suffering - check
Use any weapon in their armory, unscrupulous lying, and cunning evasiveness - wow
Their mental agility and energy give them a voracious appetite for knowledge from youth onward, though they dislike the labor of learning - a little lazy i know
They will pick the brains of others - yes always askin questions
They are often skilled manipulators of language, in speech and writing - interesting
Become deeply involved emotionally - oh yeah i know that too well
But the one i was reading was so mean to geminis. I didnt like it so much. But the one i was readin at Tamlas place new me so well. I think the one i was suprised was the section about love.
It said that the gemini will act distant and cool to the person they like in order to protect there feelings. They are not mind readers but expect the person they like/love to understand/feel the situation or the atmosphere. They want to find true love more than anything else. Someone who provides shelter and protects. But they dont like to be held down, freedom is something very important in love. Thats me, crazy.
Very interesting things. I wonder can we really apply our lives to zodiac signs. Im not gonna be like oh your a sagittarius, i cant be with you, but its interesting how they play out in my life.
Very interesting indeed.
Oh btw, tamla made really good chili so im gonna me some sometime this week. haha.
bye bye
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Im reading Love in the Time of Cholera. I love it, so powerful and there are certain phrases that i like. I actually underlined them with a pencil.
So i would like to share. Its mostly lovey dovey stuff, but its good, thinking stuff.
*"The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love."
*"The world is divided into those who can shit and those who cannot"
*"The world is divided into those who can screw and those who do not"
*"nobody teaches life anything"
*"Let us go someplace where we can cry together"
*"...saying that love, no matter what else it might be, was a natural talent. She would say: 'You are either born knowing how, or
you never know.'"
*"Spiritual love from the waist up and physical love from the waist down"
*"The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast"
*...wanted to have another daughter so that he could give her the best-loved word in the house as a name: Eggplant Urbino"
Well i hope u enjoy as much i enjoy.
Im sleepy now, good night.
So i would like to share. Its mostly lovey dovey stuff, but its good, thinking stuff.
*"The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love."
*"The world is divided into those who can shit and those who cannot"
*"The world is divided into those who can screw and those who do not"
*"nobody teaches life anything"
*"Let us go someplace where we can cry together"
*"...saying that love, no matter what else it might be, was a natural talent. She would say: 'You are either born knowing how, or
you never know.'"
*"Spiritual love from the waist up and physical love from the waist down"
*"The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast"
*...wanted to have another daughter so that he could give her the best-loved word in the house as a name: Eggplant Urbino"
Well i hope u enjoy as much i enjoy.
Im sleepy now, good night.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Friends make places a lot more bearible.
A lot of my friends are leaving this year. Not gonna recontract.
I know they are makin the right choice for them. Want to move into the right direction. But its saddens me cause they are going away from me. Not trying to sound selfish. My friends make it a lot easier to live here. I have people to see during the weekend, people to talk about work, relax with, laugh with, gossip with, talk about books and movies, make plans.
woah is me.
Saddens me.
Well i just gotta make it good with the time i have left with them. And get closer to the friends who are staying....
I love u guys. :)
A lot of my friends are leaving this year. Not gonna recontract.
I know they are makin the right choice for them. Want to move into the right direction. But its saddens me cause they are going away from me. Not trying to sound selfish. My friends make it a lot easier to live here. I have people to see during the weekend, people to talk about work, relax with, laugh with, gossip with, talk about books and movies, make plans.
woah is me.
Saddens me.
Well i just gotta make it good with the time i have left with them. And get closer to the friends who are staying....
I love u guys. :)
Little notice
Started work today, uneventful and boring. just read most of my book that i just bought the other day. My mom would always tell me how she hates buying me books cause i would finish them too soon and she always thought i was wastin her money.
I like books. I like reading my books.
I finished a blog i was writing on saturday. Posted it. But before that i re-read it and just realized how lucky i am to have a host family so close.
I would love it if a cool, person who hates guns, especially bebe guns, likes to watch movies all day, loves music, chill and talk will just move in the empty apartment close by mines. Make my life when i come home a lot more fun. Watchin movies is fun, but its better watchin it with other people. And talking by youself is not fun at all. Get weird looks and just even more crazier thoughts.
*sigh* anyone?
My mom just emailed me and asked me why am i overdraft in my bank account. haha oh china.
tomorrow im making grilled cheese with my special needs class. good day ahead, good day ahead indeed.
well tata
I like books. I like reading my books.
I finished a blog i was writing on saturday. Posted it. But before that i re-read it and just realized how lucky i am to have a host family so close.
I would love it if a cool, person who hates guns, especially bebe guns, likes to watch movies all day, loves music, chill and talk will just move in the empty apartment close by mines. Make my life when i come home a lot more fun. Watchin movies is fun, but its better watchin it with other people. And talking by youself is not fun at all. Get weird looks and just even more crazier thoughts.
*sigh* anyone?
My mom just emailed me and asked me why am i overdraft in my bank account. haha oh china.
tomorrow im making grilled cheese with my special needs class. good day ahead, good day ahead indeed.
well tata
Sunday, January 6, 2008
all the time in the world
still the words dont come from my mouth
shyness and getting hurt blockin my vocal cords
I see him and smile
sigh, its on the tip of my tongue
just say it
just say it
what do u have to lose
those butterfies in my stomach
those slight grazes
him...
I wonder if he knows
when i look at him
I dont act myself
clumsy
stumblin
funny faces
oh, soon he will know
hope its not too late
=======================================================================
I need someone to talk to. To many words in my head and they need to be poured out. someone to help me sort out problems. Maybe im afraid of the opposite sex, or maybe what they think of me.
Ok random-ish stuff. Gonna roll over on my futon and sleep.
still the words dont come from my mouth
shyness and getting hurt blockin my vocal cords
I see him and smile
sigh, its on the tip of my tongue
just say it
just say it
what do u have to lose
those butterfies in my stomach
those slight grazes
him...
I wonder if he knows
when i look at him
I dont act myself
clumsy
stumblin
funny faces
oh, soon he will know
hope its not too late
=======================================================================
I need someone to talk to. To many words in my head and they need to be poured out. someone to help me sort out problems. Maybe im afraid of the opposite sex, or maybe what they think of me.
Ok random-ish stuff. Gonna roll over on my futon and sleep.
The Reunion
I started writing this on saturday and im finishin this now.
Douzo
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Yesterday i went to tokyo to spend time with my host family. Im still here. Ami, my host sister, is right next to me clickin away on her cellphone (she doesnt part with that thing).
We had a great day walking around Machida, the town we live in, and doin some powershoppin and just having sisterly time together. It was great.
I also met up with one of my good friends. Who no matter what can lift my spirits and always make me smile. Im glad Paul was in tokyo the same time I was and even better in Machida.
I met up with him in the morning around 10. It was supposed to be 9:30 but i had some technical difficulties with my alarm clock, ie, i didnt set it. We talked about our travels during the winter vacation and laughed about the last time we ate together. He took me out to lunch for my birthday. Sweet boy.
Im so glad i was able to see him. Because not only was it a reunion of seeing him, it was a reunion of feelin back to how i was in college. Those old feelings of being back in the states, at school, at japanese class, laughing and making jokes with Paul came back and it was such a warm feeling. It was like the puzzles came together and i felt whole again. Paul knows me. I know Paul. We have memories together. I dont have to explain things in the past cause he was there. Just makes things a lot easier for me.
Anyways, im def gonna make a trip to gifu to see him. But he has to come to iwaki.
I miss my friends from my school. So much history together. And it seems like our ties are getting stretched the longer i stay in Japan. I miss the advice they would give me, especially on boys. I miss the random outings we would take. I miss how we would drive back just to see what we thought we saw, scandals, scandals.
Another reunion was the feeling of having a family around. We went for okonomiyaki today and it was nice. Ate with everyone, laughed together. They even made fun at me when i thought i had the bird flu when it was really a common cold. I dont think they will ever forget that episode. I was cryin in the hospital waiting room, thinking about how i only have so much to live and that i wont be able to say goodbye to my mom. You see, i thought i was dying. And although they made fun of me, it was full of love. Even though my japanese family is much different from my American family, i know that love is always there and will always be there, even though i never heard them say it to me. I know we all feel it. It was another great, heart warming feeling. Just sitting down, runnin my fingers through chappy (the doggie) hairs and watchin tv. Listening to my host sister ramble about something she read in an email. Watchin my host mom sitting at the dinner table, reading. So simple, but its what i needed. That family setting.
And even though im back now to my cold and lonely apartment, im lucky enough to say that i can go and be with my family anytime i want to. Its something that im grateful for. Something that i would never give up.
I even got money for the new year. lucky me.
It was a good reunion of all sorts. People, emotions and memories.
Douzo
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Yesterday i went to tokyo to spend time with my host family. Im still here. Ami, my host sister, is right next to me clickin away on her cellphone (she doesnt part with that thing).
We had a great day walking around Machida, the town we live in, and doin some powershoppin and just having sisterly time together. It was great.
I also met up with one of my good friends. Who no matter what can lift my spirits and always make me smile. Im glad Paul was in tokyo the same time I was and even better in Machida.
I met up with him in the morning around 10. It was supposed to be 9:30 but i had some technical difficulties with my alarm clock, ie, i didnt set it. We talked about our travels during the winter vacation and laughed about the last time we ate together. He took me out to lunch for my birthday. Sweet boy.
Im so glad i was able to see him. Because not only was it a reunion of seeing him, it was a reunion of feelin back to how i was in college. Those old feelings of being back in the states, at school, at japanese class, laughing and making jokes with Paul came back and it was such a warm feeling. It was like the puzzles came together and i felt whole again. Paul knows me. I know Paul. We have memories together. I dont have to explain things in the past cause he was there. Just makes things a lot easier for me.
Anyways, im def gonna make a trip to gifu to see him. But he has to come to iwaki.
I miss my friends from my school. So much history together. And it seems like our ties are getting stretched the longer i stay in Japan. I miss the advice they would give me, especially on boys. I miss the random outings we would take. I miss how we would drive back just to see what we thought we saw, scandals, scandals.
Another reunion was the feeling of having a family around. We went for okonomiyaki today and it was nice. Ate with everyone, laughed together. They even made fun at me when i thought i had the bird flu when it was really a common cold. I dont think they will ever forget that episode. I was cryin in the hospital waiting room, thinking about how i only have so much to live and that i wont be able to say goodbye to my mom. You see, i thought i was dying. And although they made fun of me, it was full of love. Even though my japanese family is much different from my American family, i know that love is always there and will always be there, even though i never heard them say it to me. I know we all feel it. It was another great, heart warming feeling. Just sitting down, runnin my fingers through chappy (the doggie) hairs and watchin tv. Listening to my host sister ramble about something she read in an email. Watchin my host mom sitting at the dinner table, reading. So simple, but its what i needed. That family setting.
And even though im back now to my cold and lonely apartment, im lucky enough to say that i can go and be with my family anytime i want to. Its something that im grateful for. Something that i would never give up.
I even got money for the new year. lucky me.
It was a good reunion of all sorts. People, emotions and memories.
Friday, January 4, 2008
A place in my heart
I am completely and utterly confused. How does a country and city, where i stayed for 12 days change where i want to be. Change what i thought where i wanted to be since i was small. I cant believe it, but is it possible to be in love with shanghai.
I woke up this morning, looked out my window and i just looked. Looked at the cars driving down the street, watched the wind in the dead trees, smelled the kerosine from my heater. It was quiet. I wasnt in china anymore. And for the first time ever i didnt want to be in Japan. Communist country doesnt seem that bad.
I wanted to pull back windows and see buildings towering over me, hear cars honking, smell delicous street food, listen to chinese music videos on tv, hear chinese, watch the cars do their crazy dance, i wouldnt mind hearing a hauking or two. I miss shanghai. I miss wanting to explore the city. I miss sippin wine while listenin to jazz and loungin on a sofa. I miss the people, the craziness, the disorder, the smells, cute babies, donkey and pigeon.
I can truly say that this trip was one of the best i have ever taken and has changed my course somewhat. I hope my family wont mind me living somewhere else.
Im already plannin my next trip. Even bought a chinese grammar book today. Im so excited. New plans and just this overwhelming feeling from it.
I love it.
I woke up this morning, looked out my window and i just looked. Looked at the cars driving down the street, watched the wind in the dead trees, smelled the kerosine from my heater. It was quiet. I wasnt in china anymore. And for the first time ever i didnt want to be in Japan. Communist country doesnt seem that bad.
I wanted to pull back windows and see buildings towering over me, hear cars honking, smell delicous street food, listen to chinese music videos on tv, hear chinese, watch the cars do their crazy dance, i wouldnt mind hearing a hauking or two. I miss shanghai. I miss wanting to explore the city. I miss sippin wine while listenin to jazz and loungin on a sofa. I miss the people, the craziness, the disorder, the smells, cute babies, donkey and pigeon.
I can truly say that this trip was one of the best i have ever taken and has changed my course somewhat. I hope my family wont mind me living somewhere else.
Im already plannin my next trip. Even bought a chinese grammar book today. Im so excited. New plans and just this overwhelming feeling from it.
I love it.
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