that 11 oclock, should be goin to sleep post

My last week with the 6th graders. Some im glad to see leave, some not so much. But we all have to leave sometimes right. One day it will be my time.

Talkin to my friends about age differences in relationships. Is it a big factor is starting a relationship?

Me for example, i wont date anyone younger than me. In other words, I only date mean older men. My first boyfriend being 23 (it wasn't 25) when I was 18. Thats a 5 year difference. And i know, no more now than i did know then, that a 5 year difference in age, when you are so young yourself, is a big factor. I usually dont like to agree with any man who i have arguments with. Like my mom im very stubborn, especially when im in an argument. Want and will always have the last word. But anyways, i can actually and truthfully say that I agree with him. My eyes were clouded by those books I read, the movies I watched, those teenish fantasies of the perfect boyfriend. I wanted to mold him into that perfect man.

My first boyfriend, my first love, first other things. We were even engaged for a sec.

I deeply loved him. And in the love bubble i wrapped over us, i wasn't expecting his views to start breaking it down. In the beginning I thought it was all him. His abrasive personality, his very opinionate mind. But it took some time, maybe even some years till i realized that it was my immaturity that also cause that bubble to break. I didn't understand how he could act too nonchalant in certain occasions, how he could not care.

In the end i realized that not only did he break that love bubble, he tried to break that bubble i wrapped securely around myself that protects my youthful views of world. I didn't understand him. Our lives were different. Grew up with different experiences. And instead of trying to understand, i just questioned his opinion. It wasn't how I thought the way people should act. And more, love does cloud judgement.

But i understand why he called me immature. I argued that I wasn't. 18 your a legal adult. But really we are still children mentally.

If i could i would go back in time and i would slap myself. Tell myself to open, really open my eyes wide, broaden my box, broaden my scope on how people in this world act. We are selfish beings. Things are going to happen that you dont want to happen. No use of whining about it. You have two options: Do something to insure that it doesnt happen again or walk way. Yeah some slapage would be in order.

But don't ge wrong, my first boyfriend was still a dick and an asshole and jerk.

that took me 49 mins to type wow.