Leave it up to the signs??

I read a astrology book. My friend tamla got me wondering and thinking about zodiac signs, so i read about myself, the oh so social butterfly gemini.

So here are what i thought were really interesting: Got these from a website:

Affectionate, courteous, kind, generous, and thoughtful towards the poor and suffering - check
Use any weapon in their armory, unscrupulous lying, and cunning evasiveness - wow
Their mental agility and energy give them a voracious appetite for knowledge from youth onward, though they dislike the labor of learning - a little lazy i know
They will pick the brains of others - yes always askin questions
They are often skilled manipulators of language, in speech and writing - interesting
Become deeply involved emotionally - oh yeah i know that too well

But the one i was reading was so mean to geminis. I didnt like it so much. But the one i was readin at Tamlas place new me so well. I think the one i was suprised was the section about love.

It said that the gemini will act distant and cool to the person they like in order to protect there feelings. They are not mind readers but expect the person they like/love to understand/feel the situation or the atmosphere. They want to find true love more than anything else. Someone who provides shelter and protects. But they dont like to be held down, freedom is something very important in love. Thats me, crazy.

Very interesting things. I wonder can we really apply our lives to zodiac signs. Im not gonna be like oh your a sagittarius, i cant be with you, but its interesting how they play out in my life.

Very interesting indeed.

Oh btw, tamla made really good chili so im gonna me some sometime this week. haha.

bye bye

Im reading Love in the Time of Cholera. I love it, so powerful and there are certain phrases that i like. I actually underlined them with a pencil.

So i would like to share. Its mostly lovey dovey stuff, but its good, thinking stuff.

*"The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love."
*"The world is divided into those who can shit and those who cannot"
*"The world is divided into those who can screw and those who do not"
*"nobody teaches life anything"
*"Let us go someplace where we can cry together"
*"...saying that love, no matter what else it might be, was a natural talent. She would say: 'You are either born knowing how, or
you never know.'"
*"Spiritual love from the waist up and physical love from the waist down"
*"The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast"
*...wanted to have another daughter so that he could give her the best-loved word in the house as a name: Eggplant Urbino"

Well i hope u enjoy as much i enjoy.
Im sleepy now, good night.

Friends make places a lot more bearible.

A lot of my friends are leaving this year. Not gonna recontract.

I know they are makin the right choice for them. Want to move into the right direction. But its saddens me cause they are going away from me. Not trying to sound selfish. My friends make it a lot easier to live here. I have people to see during the weekend, people to talk about work, relax with, laugh with, gossip with, talk about books and movies, make plans.

woah is me.

Saddens me.

Well i just gotta make it good with the time i have left with them. And get closer to the friends who are staying....

I love u guys. :)

Little notice

Started work today, uneventful and boring. just read most of my book that i just bought the other day. My mom would always tell me how she hates buying me books cause i would finish them too soon and she always thought i was wastin her money.

I like books. I like reading my books.

I finished a blog i was writing on saturday. Posted it. But before that i re-read it and just realized how lucky i am to have a host family so close.

I would love it if a cool, person who hates guns, especially bebe guns, likes to watch movies all day, loves music, chill and talk will just move in the empty apartment close by mines. Make my life when i come home a lot more fun. Watchin movies is fun, but its better watchin it with other people. And talking by youself is not fun at all. Get weird looks and just even more crazier thoughts.

*sigh* anyone?
My mom just emailed me and asked me why am i overdraft in my bank account. haha oh china.

tomorrow im making grilled cheese with my special needs class. good day ahead, good day ahead indeed.
well tata

all the time in the world

still the words dont come from my mouth

shyness and getting hurt blockin my vocal cords

I see him and smile

sigh, its on the tip of my tongue

just say it

just say it

what do u have to lose

those butterfies in my stomach

those slight grazes

him...

I wonder if he knows

when i look at him

I dont act myself

clumsy

stumblin

funny faces

oh, soon he will know

hope its not too late

=======================================================================

I need someone to talk to. To many words in my head and they need to be poured out. someone to help me sort out problems. Maybe im afraid of the opposite sex, or maybe what they think of me.

Ok random-ish stuff. Gonna roll over on my futon and sleep.

The Reunion

I started writing this on saturday and im finishin this now.
Douzo
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday i went to tokyo to spend time with my host family. Im still here. Ami, my host sister, is right next to me clickin away on her cellphone (she doesnt part with that thing).

We had a great day walking around Machida, the town we live in, and doin some powershoppin and just having sisterly time together. It was great.

I also met up with one of my good friends. Who no matter what can lift my spirits and always make me smile. Im glad Paul was in tokyo the same time I was and even better in Machida.

I met up with him in the morning around 10. It was supposed to be 9:30 but i had some technical difficulties with my alarm clock, ie, i didnt set it. We talked about our travels during the winter vacation and laughed about the last time we ate together. He took me out to lunch for my birthday. Sweet boy.

Im so glad i was able to see him. Because not only was it a reunion of seeing him, it was a reunion of feelin back to how i was in college. Those old feelings of being back in the states, at school, at japanese class, laughing and making jokes with Paul came back and it was such a warm feeling. It was like the puzzles came together and i felt whole again. Paul knows me. I know Paul. We have memories together. I dont have to explain things in the past cause he was there. Just makes things a lot easier for me.

Anyways, im def gonna make a trip to gifu to see him. But he has to come to iwaki.

I miss my friends from my school. So much history together. And it seems like our ties are getting stretched the longer i stay in Japan. I miss the advice they would give me, especially on boys. I miss the random outings we would take. I miss how we would drive back just to see what we thought we saw, scandals, scandals.

Another reunion was the feeling of having a family around. We went for okonomiyaki today and it was nice. Ate with everyone, laughed together. They even made fun at me when i thought i had the bird flu when it was really a common cold. I dont think they will ever forget that episode. I was cryin in the hospital waiting room, thinking about how i only have so much to live and that i wont be able to say goodbye to my mom. You see, i thought i was dying. And although they made fun of me, it was full of love. Even though my japanese family is much different from my American family, i know that love is always there and will always be there, even though i never heard them say it to me. I know we all feel it. It was another great, heart warming feeling. Just sitting down, runnin my fingers through chappy (the doggie) hairs and watchin tv. Listening to my host sister ramble about something she read in an email. Watchin my host mom sitting at the dinner table, reading. So simple, but its what i needed. That family setting.

And even though im back now to my cold and lonely apartment, im lucky enough to say that i can go and be with my family anytime i want to. Its something that im grateful for. Something that i would never give up.

I even got money for the new year. lucky me.

It was a good reunion of all sorts. People, emotions and memories.

A place in my heart

I am completely and utterly confused. How does a country and city, where i stayed for 12 days change where i want to be. Change what i thought where i wanted to be since i was small. I cant believe it, but is it possible to be in love with shanghai.

I woke up this morning, looked out my window and i just looked. Looked at the cars driving down the street, watched the wind in the dead trees, smelled the kerosine from my heater. It was quiet. I wasnt in china anymore. And for the first time ever i didnt want to be in Japan. Communist country doesnt seem that bad.

I wanted to pull back windows and see buildings towering over me, hear cars honking, smell delicous street food, listen to chinese music videos on tv, hear chinese, watch the cars do their crazy dance, i wouldnt mind hearing a hauking or two. I miss shanghai. I miss wanting to explore the city. I miss sippin wine while listenin to jazz and loungin on a sofa. I miss the people, the craziness, the disorder, the smells, cute babies, donkey and pigeon.

I can truly say that this trip was one of the best i have ever taken and has changed my course somewhat. I hope my family wont mind me living somewhere else.

Im already plannin my next trip. Even bought a chinese grammar book today. Im so excited. New plans and just this overwhelming feeling from it.

I love it.