Hello, my name is Nastassja, Im fine thank you and you?
Something no matter how much i can't stand it always recurring in my life everyday, since i came to live in Japan, in good 'ol iwaki. Not so next to the beach, really wanted that beach house. really not next to anything.
I feel sad that im gonna start off my first blog as a dark and brooding one. But today was a sucky ass day that made me think and realize for the first time what i agreed to and made me take a deeper look into my character.
So let me discuss this "wonderful" day that not so greatly graced my life:
1. Dealt with the worst class ever with little shit *excuse my french there is gonna be a lot of this* kids. Then had to sit through their half assed apology.
2. My voice is back to being gone cause of all that yelling.
3. My external hard drive gave me a present. Magically erased all my memory.
4. Stubbed my toe on my door, pinky one too.
5. Spilled all the furikake on my carpet.
6. Rooms smells like salmon now.
It one of the days when i look in the sky and just think what the hell is going on. Do i have a bad luck magnet stuck to my forehead today? I know that just by default im a clutzy girl. Somehow trippin over something, my feet, getting off balanced,off a bed, that stuff, but this is just too much, considering how i really dont have no one to sit infront of and talk about my day. Maybe i should add distance to be #7 cause it graces my day, everyday living in iwaki. Well shou ga nai yo ne.
Im glad ill be able to spill all my angst with my good friends over a good dose of spicy korean food tomorrow.
oh friends, how much i love my friends. I get to a point sometimes in my life where i just sink deeper and deeper in sadness, depression, laziness and cover it with my patened cheezy face and laughing ways. But i can never get it out of my eyes, my mind. Its like when i would be in pain from my stomach, i would smile and laugh with my friends, try and think as hard and painstakenly as i can, breathe in and out and think "don't let them know, just breathe and laugh". Backwards thinking, yes i know. But thats how i am. I keep quite in times when i need to say something. But my friends, oh my much loved and wonderful friends, who know me well, know when im fakin and pull me out of my "please dont let them notice" thinking and pull me out of my sadness, depression.
I dont know why i put a front on times like those....yes i do. Im always thinking about the people around me first and then myself last. I dont want my friends to know im sad or in pain cause i dont want them to worry about me, im always fine, even when i appear to be and I dont want to change that.
God this is sooo sad. haha. Im gonna change the music im listening to, its sinkin me even further. Ok Love songs always lifts my spirits.
So yeah today sucked big time. And i had to deal with a teacher who just looked at me sideways while i looked at him like he has wearing a "muther effer u need to do something about this class before i do" sign hanging on his neck. *sigh* I have no idea what was goin through his head. But it doesnt take a genius to figure out that if yelling at the kids is not solving the problem, maybe we should think about another way to give discipline. Maybe he doesnt even know what the word discipline means. Just tellin them to sit down is not discipline. If u tell the kids that you're going to discipline them if they talk, you should follow through and discipline the kids who talk! DONT JUST KEEP ON REPEATING, YOU'LL BE IN TROUBLE IF YOU TALK! ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!
fuck.
All I know is that next time nasu sensei is not gonna be all smiles and jokes. Im really not gonna take any of their shit.
And now we get to the devislish, plotting nas who gets all excited with the thought or revenge. Hahah. I love it. What can I say....please don't get scared. Im really a happy going, laughy, smily girl. Its just when i get to my point of no return, you'll know it.
So lets have a quiz?
A:what have we learned about nas soo far?
B:she gets in her depression, sadness modes and needs a push from a friend to get her out of her blackhole. Also she has devilish, dont take shit, plotting side in her too.
A: Wow! your soo correct!
Well i think thats enough of bashing today. It feels good. I feel a lil bit lighter and warmer. Be able to sleep with good dreams and genuine smile on my face when i go to sleep and wake up. The nas i like being, the nas i want to be in 5 years, 10 years, my last breath, when i meet the one, tomorrow, everyday. Everyday is a good nasie nas, happy hap with nappy naps day. haha
Things i realized today: dont trust that class or that teacher.
Things i need to work on: cleary say whats on your mind. It will make you feel much better.
ok tomorrow is a start of a better day. my mantra.
goodnight and much love to all my friends and my mommy.
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