I was sick. Hospital sick. The reason why i was in the hospital for 9 days came back and reared its ugly head at me. Plagued me all day and basically wasted a good party that i couldve been enjoying. Getting drunk and eating, something i can do anytime. But spending good quality time with my friends who live far, isn't something i can do all the time. I honestly cherish those times. But really couldn't do it this time. Was stuck half way, lying on a bed, having a shivering fit, and suffering from nausea. Not a good time, something i wouldn't want to repeat anytime soon. I couldn't go to sleep cause of the pain, but i think what added more to the pain was the voices of my friends laughing. I wanted to laugh with them, i wanted to joke with them, eat with them, drink with them. Im not really a religious person. But on that night i prayed and prayed, for me to get better.
And what made it even worse was i felt so exposed. I just wanted to hide in my friends room the whole time. I didnt want everyone to see me. To pity me, even though i know they are worried about me. It just gets to much when i hear from everyone are u ok are u ok. Sooner or later, its gonna get to a point when people are gonna be saying that im always sick. Well thats me I guess. Jeeze i felt soo exposed, like i was seen through. I was too tired to think about anything, to tired to hide anything, too tired to smile or laugh. The pain drained any thought, I just wanted to lay down, close me eyes and will myself to sleep. It was hard in the beginning, kept on waking up every 30 mins or so, but i got some sleep.
Woke up and was pain free. I could smile for two reasons: the pain was gone and i dont have to pretend that im ok. Im ok. Im ok. Thank you god. I let the good water run over my skin in the shower. Took in deep breaths and just appreciated what it feels like to feel normal, no pain. How much i appreciete every day.
Well that was the bad, now here is the good:
I got an email from a good ol' friend of mine. Like you know those type of people who just make you clumsy and just giddy and stupid when you are around them. haha. That good ol' crush. I have one like that here, but Im too shy to tell him. But anyways, i got an email from him and the smile on my face. I could feel my skin stretch and stretch as my smile got bigger and bigger. haha. i wonder how he got my phone email tho. Well whoever gave it to him, thank you!! Wow it just got hot in my room.
It feels great to be interested in, when no one around you is interesed in you. Did that make sense? Well, im not that type of person to be hookin up with guys left and right. I tend to stay in the background. But i can't believe to say this, i bet this might seem so shallow, but i like attention, especially when I haven't gotten any in a while. Not a look, not a glance, not a hey you wanna get something to eat together. Jeeze how I long to go on a date! Companionship would seem so nice right now. I usually get this way during the cold nights. And if someone is tryin to hint something at me, im so slow, i don't realize anything until its right in my face. So yeah, im glad to get an email from him. Even though I know nothing is gonna happen, companionship, those sexy talks, its just knowing that he's thinking about me and wants to know how im doing. He Is takin the time to get to know me more. Im glad. Im really happy. Just thinking about it makes me smile. That someone, besides my momma, is thinking about me.
Its always something that makes me smile
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