So today was the last day for one of my six visit schools. This one happens to be one of my favorites, well...let me see. It was one of my favorites, but as stranger things happen that just make me think wtf, its being slowly climbing up that ladder. Slowly going up to being, i wouldn't mind if i didnt have to teach at this school anymore position.
I really and honestly believe that i have a school where the kids are really "friendly" with each other, to themselves, and to me.
I have three examples: And if whoever reads this, please think, is it just me that these things happen to or its just that phase that kids go through and i just happen to teach at that school. Oh this is elementary school.
Ok first case: Maybe 2nd to 3rd time at this school. I was sitting down next to a boy student. And as i was pointing to something on the board, the boy yells out "breast" in japanese and then proceeds to squeeze my left boob. This being my first time being felt up unwillingly, safe to say that i was shocked. Still to this day i can still see his hand tryin to inch to my breasts. Little freak.
Second Case: During the middle of this semester. I was sitting down with the rest of the students in the gym. We just watched the first act of a play and now it was a 15 minute intermission. As i was asking one of the female students what they thought so far about the play, i overheard another student say "eww that gross, please stop" I looked over to where she was facing to and my mouth dropped. I was basically looking at two 5th graders, boys, dry humpin themselves on the floor. Then another boy came and put his face in another boy's crotch. And i thought, what the hell. kanchos are insane but this is getting ridiculous.
Third Case: Im guessing that boys around 2nd year must be very curious with their penis cause they are always grabbing, especially when they are nervous, makin jokes about it. Ive seen that in america too, but today's event, just shocked me soo bad, that i wanted to stop teaching. Ok, let me take a deep breath. So a boy, was pulling his thingy out from his shorts, the bottom part and playing with it. Doesn't he have any tact! Omg, i was sooo grossed out. Why did i have be so nosy and wonder what he messin with. Oh i found out all right. And then he goes and touches a kids hand with the same hand he was just jerkin with. Sick! WTF!
Yes boys will be boys but....i dont even know what to say. Im too grossed about today. Im gonna leave it at that.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
good things happen after the bad
I was sick. Hospital sick. The reason why i was in the hospital for 9 days came back and reared its ugly head at me. Plagued me all day and basically wasted a good party that i couldve been enjoying. Getting drunk and eating, something i can do anytime. But spending good quality time with my friends who live far, isn't something i can do all the time. I honestly cherish those times. But really couldn't do it this time. Was stuck half way, lying on a bed, having a shivering fit, and suffering from nausea. Not a good time, something i wouldn't want to repeat anytime soon. I couldn't go to sleep cause of the pain, but i think what added more to the pain was the voices of my friends laughing. I wanted to laugh with them, i wanted to joke with them, eat with them, drink with them. Im not really a religious person. But on that night i prayed and prayed, for me to get better.
And what made it even worse was i felt so exposed. I just wanted to hide in my friends room the whole time. I didnt want everyone to see me. To pity me, even though i know they are worried about me. It just gets to much when i hear from everyone are u ok are u ok. Sooner or later, its gonna get to a point when people are gonna be saying that im always sick. Well thats me I guess. Jeeze i felt soo exposed, like i was seen through. I was too tired to think about anything, to tired to hide anything, too tired to smile or laugh. The pain drained any thought, I just wanted to lay down, close me eyes and will myself to sleep. It was hard in the beginning, kept on waking up every 30 mins or so, but i got some sleep.
Woke up and was pain free. I could smile for two reasons: the pain was gone and i dont have to pretend that im ok. Im ok. Im ok. Thank you god. I let the good water run over my skin in the shower. Took in deep breaths and just appreciated what it feels like to feel normal, no pain. How much i appreciete every day.
Well that was the bad, now here is the good:
I got an email from a good ol' friend of mine. Like you know those type of people who just make you clumsy and just giddy and stupid when you are around them. haha. That good ol' crush. I have one like that here, but Im too shy to tell him. But anyways, i got an email from him and the smile on my face. I could feel my skin stretch and stretch as my smile got bigger and bigger. haha. i wonder how he got my phone email tho. Well whoever gave it to him, thank you!! Wow it just got hot in my room.
It feels great to be interested in, when no one around you is interesed in you. Did that make sense? Well, im not that type of person to be hookin up with guys left and right. I tend to stay in the background. But i can't believe to say this, i bet this might seem so shallow, but i like attention, especially when I haven't gotten any in a while. Not a look, not a glance, not a hey you wanna get something to eat together. Jeeze how I long to go on a date! Companionship would seem so nice right now. I usually get this way during the cold nights. And if someone is tryin to hint something at me, im so slow, i don't realize anything until its right in my face. So yeah, im glad to get an email from him. Even though I know nothing is gonna happen, companionship, those sexy talks, its just knowing that he's thinking about me and wants to know how im doing. He Is takin the time to get to know me more. Im glad. Im really happy. Just thinking about it makes me smile. That someone, besides my momma, is thinking about me.
Its always something that makes me smile
And what made it even worse was i felt so exposed. I just wanted to hide in my friends room the whole time. I didnt want everyone to see me. To pity me, even though i know they are worried about me. It just gets to much when i hear from everyone are u ok are u ok. Sooner or later, its gonna get to a point when people are gonna be saying that im always sick. Well thats me I guess. Jeeze i felt soo exposed, like i was seen through. I was too tired to think about anything, to tired to hide anything, too tired to smile or laugh. The pain drained any thought, I just wanted to lay down, close me eyes and will myself to sleep. It was hard in the beginning, kept on waking up every 30 mins or so, but i got some sleep.
Woke up and was pain free. I could smile for two reasons: the pain was gone and i dont have to pretend that im ok. Im ok. Im ok. Thank you god. I let the good water run over my skin in the shower. Took in deep breaths and just appreciated what it feels like to feel normal, no pain. How much i appreciete every day.
Well that was the bad, now here is the good:
I got an email from a good ol' friend of mine. Like you know those type of people who just make you clumsy and just giddy and stupid when you are around them. haha. That good ol' crush. I have one like that here, but Im too shy to tell him. But anyways, i got an email from him and the smile on my face. I could feel my skin stretch and stretch as my smile got bigger and bigger. haha. i wonder how he got my phone email tho. Well whoever gave it to him, thank you!! Wow it just got hot in my room.
It feels great to be interested in, when no one around you is interesed in you. Did that make sense? Well, im not that type of person to be hookin up with guys left and right. I tend to stay in the background. But i can't believe to say this, i bet this might seem so shallow, but i like attention, especially when I haven't gotten any in a while. Not a look, not a glance, not a hey you wanna get something to eat together. Jeeze how I long to go on a date! Companionship would seem so nice right now. I usually get this way during the cold nights. And if someone is tryin to hint something at me, im so slow, i don't realize anything until its right in my face. So yeah, im glad to get an email from him. Even though I know nothing is gonna happen, companionship, those sexy talks, its just knowing that he's thinking about me and wants to know how im doing. He Is takin the time to get to know me more. Im glad. Im really happy. Just thinking about it makes me smile. That someone, besides my momma, is thinking about me.
Its always something that makes me smile
Thursday, December 6, 2007
a dog laying on a bed of leaves
I got out of the taxi this morning. Takin a deep breath of the cold and clean mountain air. A little bit happy that i have arrived at the little elementary school hidden deep in the forest, nagai elementary. Maybe cause i didnt have to endure the very chatty taxi driver. He said i dont look like a school teacher, that he can see me in a music video. OOOOh great.
I go inside and quickly walk into the teachers room where it is very warm. But instead of the teachers sitting down, trying to look busy, they were all staring out the window in the direction of a large pile of leaves fallen from a tree above. They must be really into the change of the leaves i thought.
It wasnt until I overheard the nurse talking about a dog. Oh i love dogs! I walked over to the window and looked in the direction of the massive pile of leaves. And thats all i saw, leaves. Why did she say dog? But my question was quickly answered when i saw a dog get up from the pile of leaves and shake its body. I was stunned. I stared at that pile of leaves for a goood minute or two and not once did i notice a dog.
Taro chan is her name.
And she's got me wrapped around her finger.
And this is the 4th time at this school.
I can see how a dog can be a great companion to people. Because as I was sitting on the porch like entrance infront of the school, i was watching the autumn leaves and petting Tarochan. It felt so peaceful. No one was making a sound. I could hear the wind in the trees and watch the leaves make circles on the ground. And taro chan, just sat next to me the whole time with her head beside my thigh. I would honestly love doing that for the rest of my life.
Wow it was great.
Things like that, which are very simple when you explain, but the overwhelming feeling just builds inside, just can't compare. I forgot about the cold and i just felt the sun on my face. I dont have to go to a big city, don't have to shop, dont have to drive somewhere far, im very basic with things that make me happy and joyful.
Being with my friends, my family, watchin a scenery and eating kimchi, lime and hot chips. Im a happy person. Oh don't forget my ipod, might as well add my laptop cause i need it to add more music to my ipod. hahah just kiddin.
Im gonna leave that on a good note.
goodnight, love and kisses.
I go inside and quickly walk into the teachers room where it is very warm. But instead of the teachers sitting down, trying to look busy, they were all staring out the window in the direction of a large pile of leaves fallen from a tree above. They must be really into the change of the leaves i thought.
It wasnt until I overheard the nurse talking about a dog. Oh i love dogs! I walked over to the window and looked in the direction of the massive pile of leaves. And thats all i saw, leaves. Why did she say dog? But my question was quickly answered when i saw a dog get up from the pile of leaves and shake its body. I was stunned. I stared at that pile of leaves for a goood minute or two and not once did i notice a dog.
Taro chan is her name.
And she's got me wrapped around her finger.
And this is the 4th time at this school.
I can see how a dog can be a great companion to people. Because as I was sitting on the porch like entrance infront of the school, i was watching the autumn leaves and petting Tarochan. It felt so peaceful. No one was making a sound. I could hear the wind in the trees and watch the leaves make circles on the ground. And taro chan, just sat next to me the whole time with her head beside my thigh. I would honestly love doing that for the rest of my life.
Wow it was great.
Things like that, which are very simple when you explain, but the overwhelming feeling just builds inside, just can't compare. I forgot about the cold and i just felt the sun on my face. I dont have to go to a big city, don't have to shop, dont have to drive somewhere far, im very basic with things that make me happy and joyful.
Being with my friends, my family, watchin a scenery and eating kimchi, lime and hot chips. Im a happy person. Oh don't forget my ipod, might as well add my laptop cause i need it to add more music to my ipod. hahah just kiddin.
Im gonna leave that on a good note.
goodnight, love and kisses.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
start of a brand new [enter when i figure it out]
Hello, my name is Nastassja, Im fine thank you and you?
Something no matter how much i can't stand it always recurring in my life everyday, since i came to live in Japan, in good 'ol iwaki. Not so next to the beach, really wanted that beach house. really not next to anything.
I feel sad that im gonna start off my first blog as a dark and brooding one. But today was a sucky ass day that made me think and realize for the first time what i agreed to and made me take a deeper look into my character.
So let me discuss this "wonderful" day that not so greatly graced my life:
1. Dealt with the worst class ever with little shit *excuse my french there is gonna be a lot of this* kids. Then had to sit through their half assed apology.
2. My voice is back to being gone cause of all that yelling.
3. My external hard drive gave me a present. Magically erased all my memory.
4. Stubbed my toe on my door, pinky one too.
5. Spilled all the furikake on my carpet.
6. Rooms smells like salmon now.
It one of the days when i look in the sky and just think what the hell is going on. Do i have a bad luck magnet stuck to my forehead today? I know that just by default im a clutzy girl. Somehow trippin over something, my feet, getting off balanced,off a bed, that stuff, but this is just too much, considering how i really dont have no one to sit infront of and talk about my day. Maybe i should add distance to be #7 cause it graces my day, everyday living in iwaki. Well shou ga nai yo ne.
Im glad ill be able to spill all my angst with my good friends over a good dose of spicy korean food tomorrow.
oh friends, how much i love my friends. I get to a point sometimes in my life where i just sink deeper and deeper in sadness, depression, laziness and cover it with my patened cheezy face and laughing ways. But i can never get it out of my eyes, my mind. Its like when i would be in pain from my stomach, i would smile and laugh with my friends, try and think as hard and painstakenly as i can, breathe in and out and think "don't let them know, just breathe and laugh". Backwards thinking, yes i know. But thats how i am. I keep quite in times when i need to say something. But my friends, oh my much loved and wonderful friends, who know me well, know when im fakin and pull me out of my "please dont let them notice" thinking and pull me out of my sadness, depression.
I dont know why i put a front on times like those....yes i do. Im always thinking about the people around me first and then myself last. I dont want my friends to know im sad or in pain cause i dont want them to worry about me, im always fine, even when i appear to be and I dont want to change that.
God this is sooo sad. haha. Im gonna change the music im listening to, its sinkin me even further. Ok Love songs always lifts my spirits.
So yeah today sucked big time. And i had to deal with a teacher who just looked at me sideways while i looked at him like he has wearing a "muther effer u need to do something about this class before i do" sign hanging on his neck. *sigh* I have no idea what was goin through his head. But it doesnt take a genius to figure out that if yelling at the kids is not solving the problem, maybe we should think about another way to give discipline. Maybe he doesnt even know what the word discipline means. Just tellin them to sit down is not discipline. If u tell the kids that you're going to discipline them if they talk, you should follow through and discipline the kids who talk! DONT JUST KEEP ON REPEATING, YOU'LL BE IN TROUBLE IF YOU TALK! ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!
fuck.
All I know is that next time nasu sensei is not gonna be all smiles and jokes. Im really not gonna take any of their shit.
And now we get to the devislish, plotting nas who gets all excited with the thought or revenge. Hahah. I love it. What can I say....please don't get scared. Im really a happy going, laughy, smily girl. Its just when i get to my point of no return, you'll know it.
So lets have a quiz?
A:what have we learned about nas soo far?
B:she gets in her depression, sadness modes and needs a push from a friend to get her out of her blackhole. Also she has devilish, dont take shit, plotting side in her too.
A: Wow! your soo correct!
Well i think thats enough of bashing today. It feels good. I feel a lil bit lighter and warmer. Be able to sleep with good dreams and genuine smile on my face when i go to sleep and wake up. The nas i like being, the nas i want to be in 5 years, 10 years, my last breath, when i meet the one, tomorrow, everyday. Everyday is a good nasie nas, happy hap with nappy naps day. haha
Things i realized today: dont trust that class or that teacher.
Things i need to work on: cleary say whats on your mind. It will make you feel much better.
ok tomorrow is a start of a better day. my mantra.
goodnight and much love to all my friends and my mommy.
Something no matter how much i can't stand it always recurring in my life everyday, since i came to live in Japan, in good 'ol iwaki. Not so next to the beach, really wanted that beach house. really not next to anything.
I feel sad that im gonna start off my first blog as a dark and brooding one. But today was a sucky ass day that made me think and realize for the first time what i agreed to and made me take a deeper look into my character.
So let me discuss this "wonderful" day that not so greatly graced my life:
1. Dealt with the worst class ever with little shit *excuse my french there is gonna be a lot of this* kids. Then had to sit through their half assed apology.
2. My voice is back to being gone cause of all that yelling.
3. My external hard drive gave me a present. Magically erased all my memory.
4. Stubbed my toe on my door, pinky one too.
5. Spilled all the furikake on my carpet.
6. Rooms smells like salmon now.
It one of the days when i look in the sky and just think what the hell is going on. Do i have a bad luck magnet stuck to my forehead today? I know that just by default im a clutzy girl. Somehow trippin over something, my feet, getting off balanced,off a bed, that stuff, but this is just too much, considering how i really dont have no one to sit infront of and talk about my day. Maybe i should add distance to be #7 cause it graces my day, everyday living in iwaki. Well shou ga nai yo ne.
Im glad ill be able to spill all my angst with my good friends over a good dose of spicy korean food tomorrow.
oh friends, how much i love my friends. I get to a point sometimes in my life where i just sink deeper and deeper in sadness, depression, laziness and cover it with my patened cheezy face and laughing ways. But i can never get it out of my eyes, my mind. Its like when i would be in pain from my stomach, i would smile and laugh with my friends, try and think as hard and painstakenly as i can, breathe in and out and think "don't let them know, just breathe and laugh". Backwards thinking, yes i know. But thats how i am. I keep quite in times when i need to say something. But my friends, oh my much loved and wonderful friends, who know me well, know when im fakin and pull me out of my "please dont let them notice" thinking and pull me out of my sadness, depression.
I dont know why i put a front on times like those....yes i do. Im always thinking about the people around me first and then myself last. I dont want my friends to know im sad or in pain cause i dont want them to worry about me, im always fine, even when i appear to be and I dont want to change that.
God this is sooo sad. haha. Im gonna change the music im listening to, its sinkin me even further. Ok Love songs always lifts my spirits.
So yeah today sucked big time. And i had to deal with a teacher who just looked at me sideways while i looked at him like he has wearing a "muther effer u need to do something about this class before i do" sign hanging on his neck. *sigh* I have no idea what was goin through his head. But it doesnt take a genius to figure out that if yelling at the kids is not solving the problem, maybe we should think about another way to give discipline. Maybe he doesnt even know what the word discipline means. Just tellin them to sit down is not discipline. If u tell the kids that you're going to discipline them if they talk, you should follow through and discipline the kids who talk! DONT JUST KEEP ON REPEATING, YOU'LL BE IN TROUBLE IF YOU TALK! ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!
fuck.
All I know is that next time nasu sensei is not gonna be all smiles and jokes. Im really not gonna take any of their shit.
And now we get to the devislish, plotting nas who gets all excited with the thought or revenge. Hahah. I love it. What can I say....please don't get scared. Im really a happy going, laughy, smily girl. Its just when i get to my point of no return, you'll know it.
So lets have a quiz?
A:what have we learned about nas soo far?
B:she gets in her depression, sadness modes and needs a push from a friend to get her out of her blackhole. Also she has devilish, dont take shit, plotting side in her too.
A: Wow! your soo correct!
Well i think thats enough of bashing today. It feels good. I feel a lil bit lighter and warmer. Be able to sleep with good dreams and genuine smile on my face when i go to sleep and wake up. The nas i like being, the nas i want to be in 5 years, 10 years, my last breath, when i meet the one, tomorrow, everyday. Everyday is a good nasie nas, happy hap with nappy naps day. haha
Things i realized today: dont trust that class or that teacher.
Things i need to work on: cleary say whats on your mind. It will make you feel much better.
ok tomorrow is a start of a better day. my mantra.
goodnight and much love to all my friends and my mommy.
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