Im at a stage of my life where i feel like i need a complete overhaul. Spring cleaning if you will. Theres something im not happy with in my life. First i need to figure out what it is. Clean the crap out of it.

Also those hermit feelings of just staying inside, not doing anything, not going anywhere, even not talking to anyone doesnt sounds so bad lately. Right now human contact is not sounding so appealin to me, especially after the weekend i just had. Doesn't make sense tho, because everyone is rejoicing the warmth of the sun and flowers blooming. People are starting to come out of their houses and enjoying themselves.
I think im being backwards. Seemed to be more willing to go out during winter than i am now.

So far i know one thing i need to change: the friends i've made. Clear out my so-called friends and welcome new people in my life. I argued so much this past weekend that it just gets me angry again when i try to talk to him. I never met someone so opinionated, abrasive, provoking, and always at my expense. "I like to start things with you cause you actually talk back to me" he says. What he doesnt understand is that its not in my nature to be consistantly fighting. I don't like to argue, i dont want to argue.

I only laughed once the whole weekend? Once? Nas who laughs and smiles all the time, only once.

How can someone effect you so that you dont want to interact with other people?

I can't take negativity, people who always complain, provoking, mess with my weakness. I can stand people who are opionated and stubborn, but we all have to live around each other, have to communicate with each other one day. Why doesn't he try for a happy medium?

Immaturity is not attractive.

I need something to bloom like the flowers and flow by my way.

I need to bloom also. Try to get out of this funk im in.

But right now i dont feel like smiling.

Don't feel like being excited.

I know loneliness might have something to do with it. I got two emails from two of my ex's a day from each other. It's easy to think about the past and relish on how things used to be. A year back, i wasn't like this. Was happy everyday and smiling. Having someone i loved was a big part of it, but i was also happy with where i was in my life. It was a a great year.

This is a very depressin post. But i needed to get it out. Promise it will get better